SCHOOL !?

8 Weeks of school holidays gone just like that!!? Now its gonna be 4 terms , which is 40 weeks of schooling! and 2 weeks holidays for each term break which is after every 10 weeks. To be honest i'm pretty excited for school! New uniforms,new subjects, new classes (: I have a greaaat felling that school is gonna go smooth this time (; Alpie and I are taking the same subs this year. so as hazel i guess? I hope we are all gonna be in the same class xD It wud be like effing fun ayee. Well sch's starting on friday officially. But i will have to attend rimu's assembly on thursday and later on gonna meet friends back in tutor group (; Im hopping for something funnnn this year in school . Year 11 is gonna be scary i reckon , thanks to NCEA :\ But what the hell , here i come schooool! xD

Life's a SLUT , Karma's a BITCH .

Life can be so shitty at times . Cause of certain people i understood the term ' Chose yr friends wisely '. Before this i used to take everyone as a friend, and some as my close friends, and some as my best friends ,i never had enemies to be honest. Just hated some bitches and sluts . Thats it. But now , cause of all the shit i have caused and thanks to some friends that i trusted , karma has hit me hard :\ Well who cares, i have my own life to live and focus on btw (; So i'm just gonna ignore every shit that is going on at the moment. To Darlene , I'm sorry for everything i have caused or said. You should know i didn't really mean it at all. It's just some misunderstanding dey . You know you are one of my good friend and I love you tons darl. I'm seriously sorry. And i hope everything is gonna be fine with you , sorry again hun ):

So much to say but so little time ..

I seriously don't get it why people think i blog whenever i get emotional? I mean like , Its always like

this,

RANDOMPERSON : Hey what you doing ?

ME : umm, blogging ?

RANDOMPERSON : Oh what happend, why emo now ?

Me : :S

Yeah, i get that alot . Well maybe , most probably , i am always mentally emotional , like most of the time . Stuff goes around my mind most of the time . And at times , at least 4 or 5 time per week, I go through major breakdown about life ? Its like this moment of life where i get all mentally disorder or something by screaming in pain and start tearing and hurt myself with objects nearby . Oh well , forget it . I swear i cant be stuffed about myself or my life anymore .

I seriously don't know who reads my blog :\ Well i do know people drop by it . But who will actually waste their precious time to read all this junks i write right? Even the person who is meant to read it , most probably won't have much time to read it because the person has a life to live and stuff to do . Lol and by the time u realize its you , it might be ages, because i think you don't even know this blog exist haha .

Well to be honest, I feel like the old me now . I am afraid to get attached with a person . I am afraid to care about a person too much . Cause at the end , it's gonna effect me tons . Like what I'm feeling now. I go through hell most of the time . I try to forget stuff , make myself busy , distract myself by doing chores , going out , but i fail at times , but this is the life i choose to live with , so i will just try to live it . My mum thinks i pms all the time , which isn't true , i just get so fucking moody these days .

The god isn't with me these days , not even my mum , nor him , don't even wanna mention brother here :\ Friends try their best to help , but words doesn't really help . Action does , and i fucking hate it when people say stuff they don't or will never mean . It's better to just fucking shuttap aye.

People are to busy with their own lives , including him , and i don't wanna bother u guys . I understand that you have a life to live . Yes , i might need some attention at times, but I will try my best to overcome the pain i'm going through by myself , and i know dad will help me with that :)

At this very moment, I so believe in karma , I understand why am I going through this kinda shit in my life . Well yeah , i do deserve all this . I am all good with suffering now. Like i swear , god's torturing me now . I so know it . Its just so obvious . People are being very mean to me . Like everybody , i reckon. Not excluding anyone . Feels like i'm in hell instead of earth to be honest lol .

People care less about me now. I think I mentioned this once last year, I wanna go somewhere far and never return and I wanna be dead for a day just to see people's reaction . Haha , that would be wicked aye. Again , i'm not gonna be pissed with you for caring less about what stuff I do in my life . Cause again , you have your own life to live and might as well have fun with it . I shall just hide it all within myself and you are never gonna know the pain i go through . Unless you read this blog like on the spot i post it . Haha , which is never gonna happen .

To the person who reached to this paragraph , haha bravo/brava dude! Well thanks for reading this whole junk of shit i typed . This is just a hint about what's going on in my life ( currently ) . At the moment i seriously feel so shitty . I don't feel like talking to anyone. Im pissing off everyone at the moment . My mum is so pissed with me for my horrible attitude . Dasa's words are making me to plan my suicide as soon as possible . I am screaming at each and every single reply to them . I just can't fucking take this pain anymore . But i fucking have to . Cause it's all about that karma bitch .

At this point , feels like im gonna break down anytime . I HAVE NO ONE WITH ME AT THIS VERY MOMENT . You people just say stuff , i'm gonna be here for you , i'm there , I will be here always for you , and all fucking shit . But you can't fucking mean it aye. I don't feel like making up to my mother cause she's being effing mean to me . She has been asking me to appreciate things , life , etc and she's not trying to make me feel better at all . Most probably , she's busy with her life to aye?

BUT WTF, LIFE'S BEING A BITCH , WHY SHOULD I APPRECIATE IT ? I DON'T EVEN FUCKING HAVE THINGS TO APPRECIATE , WHAT IS THERE TO APPRECIATE ? APPRECIATE ALL THE GOOD TIMES THAT GOD TOOK AWAY FROM ME HUH? APPRECIATE THE PAIN GOD'S LETTING ME GO THROUGH? APPRECIATE MY FUCKING LIFE ? THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY FUCK MY LIFE !

To all you peeps who's busy with your lives , have fun , and i shall hope no one will gain a live like mine . Peace . God bless you guys . and he will never bless me . that's for sure. I haveeee no idea what shit am i gonna go through somemoreee :S , when's life even gonna get better for me? SIGHS .

And yeah , i have blogged about another emotional story today .

Touching me.. Teasing me.. Telling me no..

Currently im feeling seriously mixed up , infact i dont know what to feel. Im emotional mixed up, that's for sure. Very confused about life. Hmm! School's gonna start in awhile.. Life's gonna be stressed up but i shall handle it in a positive way tho :) Im confusing myself i reckon . Complicating stuff by myself and yeah :\ I feel pretty akward these days.. Feel like starting a new life, but i fail at times D:

Like a great example today , I forced myself to get my ass of the bed , around 11 ish, well i woke up earlier but i extended my sleeping time and yeah.. I was suppose to go to the temple , by 12 , thats wat my mum said , so i took my shower and got in clothes and rushed into the car , by the time we reached there it was already 11.35 , and the temple was fucking shut? is that even possible ? for a temple to close ==' So i got really pisst , and told mum ! GOD IS JUST FUCKING PISSING ME OFF IN EVERYTHING! FML! So that gave me a great start for the day. Life's just getting fucked up each day. I really want it to over at times . A perfect life would be , Him & I , Together , Forever , and yeah. But thats like not gonna happen for now ! so fml ! And since last night, i have been playing ride it song non stop . like something went into my mind and told me to get addicted with it . somehow i find his voice smexy hot in that song. jay sean i meant. but then im srsly not into his looks :\ He's effing gay and i dont even care bout it :) I am suppose to be asleep now. Its mummy's bday tmrw . We all might be going out in the morning . So I cant wait . Lily's gonna be there, so yay? Lol imma hit the bed in awhile . Dasa's not letting me go , he's asking me to steal mum's car key ==' and he gave me a bottle of beer. im done with half of it. eyes burning like fuck . i feel so gassy . videocalling with azzy and he said said im drunk o.O chiowww fr now .

p/s:

RIDE IT IS SMEXY .

URGH!

Im like already going through this pain , dasa was torturing me, havent got enough sleep yet and was chatting with b just now , and i was about to go off and this is what happend . I decided to remove my chat box , darlene came saying that someones spamming my chat box while we were on msn , and i was like wtf , and checked out , and these people were spamming as 'sang boobs' and ' sang vagina' like WTF right . and all those fucking disgusting words came out from them . like yuckk . so i had to remove the chat box cause it was getting worst each min. and after removing , darl told me to add up azzy , and both of them were like being sorry for me and at the end they went saying ' YOU JUST GOT SPAMMED ' WHAT THEEE FUCKKK RIGHT. apparently darlene was 'sang boobs' and azzy was ' sang vagina '. OMG LIKE SERIOUSLY MAN . FUCK YOU GUYS MAHN! ARGHHHHH !