I seriously don't get it why people think i blog whenever i get emotional? I mean like , Its always like
this,
RANDOMPERSON : Hey what you doing ?
ME : umm, blogging ?
RANDOMPERSON : Oh what happend, why emo now ?
Me : :S
Yeah, i get that alot . Well maybe , most probably , i am always mentally emotional , like most of the time . Stuff goes around my mind most of the time . And at times , at least 4 or 5 time per week, I go through major breakdown about life ? Its like this moment of life where i get all mentally disorder or something by screaming in pain and start tearing and hurt myself with objects nearby . Oh well , forget it . I swear i cant be stuffed about myself or my life anymore .
I seriously don't know who reads my blog :\ Well i do know people drop by it . But who will actually waste their precious time to read all this junks i write right? Even the person who is meant to read it , most probably won't have much time to read it because the person has a life to live and stuff to do . Lol and by the time u realize its you , it might be ages, because i think you don't even know this blog exist haha .
Well to be honest, I feel like the old me now . I am afraid to get attached with a person . I am afraid to care about a person too much . Cause at the end , it's gonna effect me tons . Like what I'm feeling now. I go through hell most of the time . I try to forget stuff , make myself busy , distract myself by doing chores , going out , but i fail at times , but this is the life i choose to live with , so i will just try to live it . My mum thinks i pms all the time , which isn't true , i just get so fucking moody these days .
The god isn't with me these days , not even my mum , nor him , don't even wanna mention brother here :\ Friends try their best to help , but words doesn't really help . Action does , and i fucking hate it when people say stuff they don't or will never mean . It's better to just fucking shuttap aye.
People are to busy with their own lives , including him , and i don't wanna bother u guys . I understand that you have a life to live . Yes , i might need some attention at times, but I will try my best to overcome the pain i'm going through by myself , and i know dad will help me with that :)
At this very moment, I so believe in karma , I understand why am I going through this kinda shit in my life . Well yeah , i do deserve all this . I am all good with suffering now. Like i swear , god's torturing me now . I so know it . Its just so obvious . People are being very mean to me . Like everybody , i reckon. Not excluding anyone . Feels like i'm in hell instead of earth to be honest lol .
People care less about me now. I think I mentioned this once last year, I wanna go somewhere far and never return and I wanna be dead for a day just to see people's reaction . Haha , that would be wicked aye. Again , i'm not gonna be pissed with you for caring less about what stuff I do in my life . Cause again , you have your own life to live and might as well have fun with it . I shall just hide it all within myself and you are never gonna know the pain i go through . Unless you read this blog like on the spot i post it . Haha , which is never gonna happen .
To the person who reached to this paragraph , haha bravo/brava dude! Well thanks for reading this whole junk of shit i typed . This is just a hint about what's going on in my life ( currently ) . At the moment i seriously feel so shitty . I don't feel like talking to anyone. Im pissing off everyone at the moment . My mum is so pissed with me for my horrible attitude . Dasa's words are making me to plan my suicide as soon as possible . I am screaming at each and every single reply to them . I just can't fucking take this pain anymore . But i fucking have to . Cause it's all about that karma bitch .
At this point , feels like im gonna break down anytime . I HAVE NO ONE WITH ME AT THIS VERY MOMENT . You people just say stuff , i'm gonna be here for you , i'm there , I will be here always for you , and all fucking shit . But you can't fucking mean it aye. I don't feel like making up to my mother cause she's being effing mean to me . She has been asking me to appreciate things , life , etc and she's not trying to make me feel better at all . Most probably , she's busy with her life to aye?
BUT WTF, LIFE'S BEING A BITCH , WHY SHOULD I APPRECIATE IT ? I DON'T EVEN FUCKING HAVE THINGS TO APPRECIATE , WHAT IS THERE TO APPRECIATE ? APPRECIATE ALL THE GOOD TIMES THAT GOD TOOK AWAY FROM ME HUH? APPRECIATE THE PAIN GOD'S LETTING ME GO THROUGH? APPRECIATE MY FUCKING LIFE ? THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY FUCK MY LIFE !
To all you peeps who's busy with your lives , have fun , and i shall hope no one will gain a live like mine . Peace . God bless you guys . and he will never bless me . that's for sure. I haveeee no idea what shit am i gonna go through somemoreee :S , when's life even gonna get better for me? SIGHS .
And yeah , i have blogged about another emotional story today .
