FUCK 2009 , FUCK EVERYTHING , FUCK MY LIFE

What did i even do in this life of mine to be treated like this . What mistakes have i even commit throughout my whole life ? Do i deserved to be punish and left hurt like this ? All I did was to try my best being a good human being in this world . I never did wanted to hurt you . But all you can say is that i have gave you problems ? And when I try talking to you , all you can say is, I am rude and I am arguing , what the heck is going on my life god ? I gave you everything you want , and what do I get back ? Nothing . And you start comparing me with your fucking first birth . And saying that you have been spending more on me ? After all the problems that sob caused, out of no where you care bout him more ? All I know is I FUCKING HATE FIRST BIRTH . THEY FUCKING GET EVERYTHING THEY WANT . AND THEY FUCKING DON'T GET BLAMED FOR ANYTHING . You told me to be independent, Okay , Fine , I will . So after this you have got no business in my life . Since ITS MY LIFE NOW . AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME RIGHT . FINE . I'M CERTAINLY FINE WITH THAT. I will just survive thinking ALL THE PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED IN MY LIFE AND I WILL JUST HATE YOU EVEN MORE . AND I KNOW THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT . AND NO THIS IS NOT ABOUT A FUCKING IPOD TOUCH , ITS ABOUT YOU TREATING ME FUCKED UP IN MY FUCKING LIFE . I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE . I have never done anything that would hurt you . I gave you good results and I did my chores . I played my role properly in your so called family . WHY CANT YOU JUST FUCKING APPRECIATE ME ? It just bloody makes me think that I'M USELESS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING EARTH . WHY AM I EVEN FUCKING ALIVE IF I'M SUFFERING DAY BY DAY BY A PERSON LIKE YOU ? SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME ? WHY DID YOU EVEN GIVE BIRTH TO ME ? WHY ? TO TORTURE ME ?

You people just don't fucking give a damn about me . I just fucking wanna run away and never come back . I know I can't change you all , but I will try to change myself , hide every pain i gain from you , and pretend to be happy infront of you , I know that would satisfy you people. AND YEAH , I'M JUST AN ODINARY GIRL WITH FUCKING MIXED EMOTIONS . ALL I FUCKING ASK IS FOR SOME APPRECIATION . SO PLEASE DON'T HURT ME LIKE THIS ! I JUST CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE ! IT'S JUST SO HURTING . IT'S LIKE I'M SMILING OUTSIDE AND I'M DYING INSIDE . I WONDER IF YOU EVEN CARE BOUT ME LIKE YOU USED TO LAST TIME . CAUSE YOU AREN'T THE PERSON I KNEW .

I WANNA DIE - DARK LOTUS FTW .

Shit happens aye?

It's a Saturday and I am so damn boring already . Its gonna be 1 pm and i haven't had my lunch yet . I woke up 2 hours ago and I brushed my teeth and straight switched on my lappy and went facebooking . Now , I'm blogging and chatting with Darlene. Updating ourselves . It's so obvious that I'm lifeless cause i aint doing anything besides being online. How i wish i could spend my saturday outing around with my friends. I would have if i was in Malaysia! Everyday is a new day there aye? Hmmm , look how boredem can kill our life.

What that bitchyo said is still on my mind somehow . I cant take it out. Its just too harsh . It might be a joke for her. But It fucking bothers me. Grrrr . My mum ditched me today . I wanted to go out . But it was obviously a big fat NO from her . The good thing is that im not hungry since i skipped dinner last night . The bad thing is that i'm bored . I wanna do something . Lol i am suppose to finish my evaluation for science . I'm suprised that i am actually gonna gain 4 credits for that! woott! lol i have to start working on that in awhile perhaps . Later i might be meeting up with lily! like after 10 weeks! But i know things changed massively already . Teddy is with me at the moment . We are so bored . Lolololol , i took some photos of teddy recently . I think it teddy looks so kewl innit ;]

teddy with the bands i got xD

teddy with the shades i got in malaysia xD

After SoDamnFreakingWeaky Long .

Omg!I'm blogging! After like how many months i wonder.. Lol thanks to my friend vinesh . He kind of brought me up all in the mood to start blogging. First of all , I feel so lost here 0.0 Hahaha. There's only one thing running on my mind now , 'TIME FLIES FREGGIN FAST ' xO .

My previous blog ( which was on june ) was way emotional . I tried learning my mistakes since i wrote that . And actually started appreciating things . And things turned out well . I actually got a chance to go back to Malaysia Ku Yg Tercinta lol . I had awesome , tons , loads of fun memories . It was fun to know , that there were few ' countable' peoples who actually missed me fer the past one year . And i also received compliments from them . I found them so random . But i started blushing tho lol. 5 Awesome Weeks in Msia was the awesome-est thing ever . And again , it past in a blink of an eye . Dayum ! Can't wait for my next trip . Wheeee xD

And now , back to so damn 'lifeless' country , New Zieeee. Things aren't really the same . No fun , thrill , and every freaking day is the same . Grrrr . Im trying my best to make life interesting like in so many ways . Jeeeeez . School life is going on a great mess at the moment . People are trying to link my facebook life with my real life . LIKE WTF . They just cant stop bitching bitching and bitching . Especially in bloody dance class. Those bitches just get on my nerves . Throws the ball on my should and fucking say ' YOU ARE LIKE SUPPOSE TO CATCH THE BALL ?' and i cud have fucking replied ' WELL THROW IT TO MY HANDS THEN BITCH ?' Damn , i just cant wait fer this term to over . And shift college most probably! GOSH!UGHH!GRRR!

This whole month is gonna be full of exams. 5 more weeks till the for my 2 months bummer holidays! Can't wait like seriouslly . I just can't take it with bitches totures . It's seriouslly annoying . Trust me . I miss my malaysia life so damn much at this very moment . It would have been so fun if i was actually studying there . But it would have sucked educational wise . I would have just be in year 8 , and im like entering year 11 in new zieee . Which is pretty awesomee xD

So I'm not gonna write much for now. I have been one of the randomest blogger by blogging once per month lol . I have decided to at least blog at the weekends now . It actually fills up my time . And yeah . It is all about the mood i am according to the current situation . I miss my life in Malaysiaa now ! I'm home sick :(

The one and only wish..Will it come true?

Have you ever wished for something special to occur in your life everysingle day when you're awake or about to sleep or even when you're day dreaming ? Well i have , had , and always did . To tell you , i daydream alot , i preffer to stay awake and dreaming of something instead of sleeping and having a dream .For some reason, my friends describes me as their one and only vampire mate .Hmm yeah , imagination rules my world totally. I really wanted something in my life. like seriouslly. damn really. And i couldn't think anything NOT to get it. I always tought about the positive side of it and never ever stepped in the dark side in that matter. People in my life are way random . They are all mixed up. I don't have 'clicks' or whatsoever u call them . I just go with the flow. But sometimes , the flow can lead you to a wrong destination..

Oh, wait, before u get it wrongly ! I'm not saying that i'm up to no good or something with my mates , lol. It's just that , everything happened so fast , that i can't even think of an ending.But i know the time has arrived for me to think about it , which i refuse to everysingle time ! I don't want this to end. I want it to continue . As i planned. Smoothly. With the help of the whole universe. My mum especially .I really need her to be with me in this matter . But as usually , it's gonna be a NO since its in my case. These past weeks, i have been going thru tough times. like seriouslly. They were some bunch of happiness. Which i really appreaciate . But remember , where there's fun , there's pain too. Life's aint all about Happiness. It's about Sadness too .

Most of you all might not appreciate the life you have. That counts me in too. I never did appreciate things. NEVER. I didn't really give a damn about my life. These days , i have been thinking deeply how selfish i was? It's not that i'm going to confess for being sucha bad human being. It's just that i'm hating some parts of my life. Which i didn't really knew they existed. I have never trusted god in my life. i didn't really had time to pray . I just can't be bothered sometimes. But i feel mean and selfish now when i'm actually seeking for god's help . It makes me an odinary human being afterall , finding god whenever u have problems. So in this matter , will god help me? Will he actually start to accept my prayers after ages ? Will he make my wishes come true? Time's limited.. Will he actually make it go slow? I know i have been making my life hard by myself. Yeah , I'm the only reason my life's currently fucked up. I don't appreaciate things. All i do is ask for more.

So whoever who's reading this. You might be anyone . Someone random . But i bet we have similarities in our lifes. hmm yeah , everybody have PROBLEMS/ISSUES/HARDTIMES in their life. Maybe i just have it more than you all? Who knows..? I mite be smilling outside , but i'm dying inside. That's for sure.. All i ever wanted to be is the bestest daughter , a sporting sister , a caring girlfriend , a good mate . Did i succeed..? That's not true for sure..

So will it come true..? Or not..?

ABC :O !!

A - Age: 14 years old (:
B - Best coffee : caaappaachaaainu , lol :D
C - Chore you hate: dishes...grgrr..
D - Dog's name: dasa
E - Essential start to your day: to hear his voice
F - Favorite color: black and red
G - Gift you love getting: electronic stuff
H - Height : 169cm
I-Instruments you wish you play: guitar
J - Juice or pop: pop :D
K - Kid(s): nonee..
L - Last CD listened to: erm , cant rmb
M - Most memorable Christmas/Birthday present: hmm..
N - Nicknames: sang , sun
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: naa..
P - Pet Peeve: none..
Q - Quote from a movie: lol , uhh , not into movies
R - Right or left handed: righttt.
S - Siblings: dasa
T- Time you wake up: depends hmmm
U- Ultimate vacation destination: aussie , lol , lame much . haha
V - Vegetable you dislike: none :D
W - Ways you run late: huh ?
X - X-rays you've had: chest
Y - Yummy food you make: milo ? lol
Z - Zodiac : aqua