FUCK 2009 , FUCK EVERYTHING , FUCK MY LIFE

What did i even do in this life of mine to be treated like this . What mistakes have i even commit throughout my whole life ? Do i deserved to be punish and left hurt like this ? All I did was to try my best being a good human being in this world . I never did wanted to hurt you . But all you can say is that i have gave you problems ? And when I try talking to you , all you can say is, I am rude and I am arguing , what the heck is going on my life god ? I gave you everything you want , and what do I get back ? Nothing . And you start comparing me with your fucking first birth . And saying that you have been spending more on me ? After all the problems that sob caused, out of no where you care bout him more ? All I know is I FUCKING HATE FIRST BIRTH . THEY FUCKING GET EVERYTHING THEY WANT . AND THEY FUCKING DON'T GET BLAMED FOR ANYTHING . You told me to be independent, Okay , Fine , I will . So after this you have got no business in my life . Since ITS MY LIFE NOW . AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME RIGHT . FINE . I'M CERTAINLY FINE WITH THAT. I will just survive thinking ALL THE PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED IN MY LIFE AND I WILL JUST HATE YOU EVEN MORE . AND I KNOW THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT . AND NO THIS IS NOT ABOUT A FUCKING IPOD TOUCH , ITS ABOUT YOU TREATING ME FUCKED UP IN MY FUCKING LIFE . I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE . I have never done anything that would hurt you . I gave you good results and I did my chores . I played my role properly in your so called family . WHY CANT YOU JUST FUCKING APPRECIATE ME ? It just bloody makes me think that I'M USELESS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING EARTH . WHY AM I EVEN FUCKING ALIVE IF I'M SUFFERING DAY BY DAY BY A PERSON LIKE YOU ? SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT ME ? WHY DID YOU EVEN GIVE BIRTH TO ME ? WHY ? TO TORTURE ME ?

You people just don't fucking give a damn about me . I just fucking wanna run away and never come back . I know I can't change you all , but I will try to change myself , hide every pain i gain from you , and pretend to be happy infront of you , I know that would satisfy you people. AND YEAH , I'M JUST AN ODINARY GIRL WITH FUCKING MIXED EMOTIONS . ALL I FUCKING ASK IS FOR SOME APPRECIATION . SO PLEASE DON'T HURT ME LIKE THIS ! I JUST CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN ANYMORE ! IT'S JUST SO HURTING . IT'S LIKE I'M SMILING OUTSIDE AND I'M DYING INSIDE . I WONDER IF YOU EVEN CARE BOUT ME LIKE YOU USED TO LAST TIME . CAUSE YOU AREN'T THE PERSON I KNEW .

I WANNA DIE - DARK LOTUS FTW .